


I feel, therefore I live

by arysthaeniru



Category: Tennis no Oujisama | Prince of Tennis
Genre: F/F, lots of illness mentions, possible triggers, realistic portrayal of illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 03:06:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2412680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arysthaeniru/pseuds/arysthaeniru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It had been easier somehow, to keep control over her muscle atrophy and lack of coordination, with the goal of ‘Three Years of Consecutive Wins’ to fight for."</p>
<p>in which everyone are girls, everything is different but everything is still the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I feel, therefore I live

**Author's Note:**

> First name warnings, since girls teams are almost always closer to each other than boys teams, in my experience. Also, very frequent mentions of the illness and the debilitating after-effects of diseases like Yuki's.

It was the first morning of school, after almost eight months in hospital. It was a week after Nationals and the week after her humiliating loss, which Yukimura Seiko refused to dwell on. 

Even if she woke up screaming because of that last point that the _bratling_ managed to smash across the net; a miracle that only Yukimura was supposed to be able to pull off.

She would not dwell on it in her waking hours, in any case. Her team needed her to be strong and composed, and even if her body was still hopelessly weak, her mind would be as sharp as a sword. That was what she vowed to herself. 

As she strolled into school, at an unholy hour of the morning, Yukimura frowned. There was still construction inside the school. The noise was already giving her a pounding headache. She adjusted her brastrap under her blazer and made her way to the locker rooms, focusing on walking in a straight line. It had been easier somehow, to keep control over her muscle atrophy and lack of coordination, with the goal of ‘Three Years of Consecutive Wins’ to fight for. But now, they had lost and were living in the aftermath. It was more difficult to keep walking, now.

The nightmare last night and the twinging pain from her surgery scars didn't help her headache much as she drew closer to the locker rooms. It was too early for her usual routine of scuttering into practise five minutes before it began, Yukimura was more than aware. Renge would be a little worried, she knew. But she had not been able to sleep, and hanging round her house was practically asking to be manhandled into doing her sister's hair, which she didn't trust her fingers to be able to do anymore. She sighed upon entering the dark and peaceful locker rooms. The bags of the swim-team adorned the benches, but apart from that, the place was empty. Good.

She made her way to her locker, attempting to ignore the twinge in her fingers and the spinning of her head. She leant her head against the cold metal on the front of her locker door and frowned. She could give in now. Admit defeat and go home and sleep, like she had been doing for the past week, except for when the team were around. But she was Yukimura Seiko and the idea of giving up was foreign.

She just needed a good shower. She stripped down, for once, not feeling self-conscious about her thinner-than-usual body and the ugly red scar across her side, thanks to the lack of people around to witness it. Despite it being a month and a half since the surgery, it was still vividly red, against her pale, milky skin. She hated being able to see it and hated other people being able to see it. She was so weak, and it only served to showcase that. She grabbed a towel, from her well-supplied locker and in merely her bra and panties, padded to the shower room and flicked the furthest one from the door on. 

The feeling of scalding hot water against her skin was the most amazing sensation in the world. Usually, Yukimura preferred lukewarm showers, to cool her down from matches and from her usual busy lifestyle. But since her illness, she had preferred this. The feeling of her skin turning redder and redder, and her pores practically steaming...she could feel it all. Every centimetre and iota of pain. And she could feel it. Feel, in all the glorious pain and glory. It was perhaps the best sensation in the world, and she tossed her head back, with a slight groan at how great she felt. 

Alive. She felt alive, with her long, blue-black hair clinging to the nape of her neck, and the hot water pouring into the hollows of her breasts and down her legs and running off the clavicles that stuck out sharply from her neck. She rubbed her fingers everywhere, over her hot and oversensitive skin, relishing the ability to feel. 

Perhaps another advantage of not being at home, was that if she stayed in the shower there, for more than ten minutes, her parents hammered on the door and worried that she was drowning. Here, she could just enjoy it, though perhaps a little bit too much. She pulled her hand away from her nipples and the flat panes of her stomach, upon feeling a deep heat starting to curl up there. The sun was starting to actually trickle through the high windows. Her team would start coming in any second. 

With a regretful sigh, Yukimura flicked off the water and rubbed herself down with the towel swiftly. Then, she turbaned her hair swiftly and, only wearing her panties, she sauntered back to her lockers, swinging her bra around her hand. 

As she'd expected, Chihiro was already there, perfectly changed, her intense face and eyes, already intently focused on retaping her racket. "Morning Seiko." she said, her eyes not coming up from her racket. 

"Morning, Chihiro." she chirped, as she unlocked her locker and made a show of rummaging around, ignoring the sudden bout of dizziness, that almost caused her to keel forward into her locker, and was only stopped, by using her racket as a support. "You ready for modern european history today?" she asked, wryly. It was the only class they shared together. 

"It shouldn't be anything extraordinary." said Chihiro, non-committedly, her gaze not leaving the racket. Yukimura frowned, that wouldn't do. 

"Tell me...honestly..." said Yukimura, letting her voice trail off and become weak and petite, like it had been in the hospital. She knew that Chihiro couldn't resist that. "Can I wear a two-piece with my scar?" she asked, biting her lip as she examined it. 

Chihiro's eyes came up finally, and she immediately turned red and looked down. "No, you look fine." she said, automatically, her voice turning the shade of flustered that Yukimura relished in. 

"You didn't even look." Yukimura said, with a barely concealed impatience, as she balanced her hand on her hip and the other on the locker door to guarantee her balance. "It looks awful. I need you to tell me honestly."

"It's fine." said Chihiro again, blushing even redder, all the way up to her ears. The door swung open and Renge rounded the corner. Yukimura opened in on her. "Renge, tell me the truth about my surgery scar and bathing suits."

Renge didn't look fazed, as she glanced on the half-naked Yukimura, which pleased Yukimura a little. At least someone wasn't a prude. "Hmm, might be best to stick to one-pieces. It's still fairly visible. That is assuming that you don't want to draw attention to it, Seiko." she said, as she held out a tray of coffees. "Caramel Mocha with double whipped cream and chocolate is the one on the right." he said, with a smile. "I didn't think you'd sleep very well."

Yukimura beamed, she loved Renge’s ability to be able to predict things, especially if it got her coffee. She grabbed the cup and took a deep sip, smiling as the heat reached her toes and the caffeine rush started to hit her. Maybe now, she'd stop wobbling with every step. Unlikely, but a girl could hope. "Urgh, I love you, Renge. Really. I would hug you if it wasn't weird." 

Renge looked amused. "Put on a bra, Seiko." she said, as she placed the tray of coffees down and unlocked her locker. "Black and two sugars is on the far right, Chihiro."

Yukimura grinned and finally hooked it back on, and pulled her tennis uniform on, taking especial time in shimmying into her tight, tight tennis skort, knowing that Chihiro would see it, when she went to pick up her coffee. Chihiro did, flushed even further and refused to draw her eyes away from the floor. Yukimura was a little relieved that she could even affect Chihiro like this, still. She knew that she wasn't as attractive as she had been before. Her muscles were almost non-existent. 

She was just a weakling at the moment. Who had lost. 

....she'd promised herself she wouldn't deal with this when she was awake. She shakily took a seat on the bench, steadying herself with her slightly achy palm and grinned at Renge, who was taking her own drink and brushing back her long, long hair. "What do you say that we make everyone run suicide drills, today?" she asked, cheerfully, taking another sip from her gorgeous, gorgeous coffee. 

"Sounds good." said Renge, with a wide smile on her soft, delicate face. 

~~~~~XXXX~~~~~

After waiting for the clock to strike exactly 7:00, Yukimura strode out to the courts, her stride confident, as she ignored the slight stinging in her legs. "Alright!" she called and most of the girls, who were milling about and chatting idly all snapped to attention. "Take ten to stretch out. We'll run thirty laps after that for a warm-up and then run suicide drills, so focus on your legs." She made no mention of the failure at Nationals.

"Yes buchou!" they all called and Yukimura tied back her relatively short hair. It had dried off nicely, though was curling worse than Ayaka's, under the heat. It was seven in the morning but it already felt like midday, with no breeze and a thick humidity through the air.

"Renge, stretch with me?" she asked, to her taller friend. Usually, she stretched with Chihiro, but she had a feeling that Chihiro wasn't going to push her stretches at all, while Renge would push exactly as she needed to be stretched, and not an iota more. 

"Of course, Seiko." said Renge, as she rolled up her sleeves. Her jersey was still zipped up to her neck, as it normally was, though Yukimura couldn't fathom how, with the latent heat everywhere. 

As Renge pushed down on Yukimura's back, she felt a little relieved. She was still able to flex as much as she had been able to before, with minimal pain. "...you're getting thinner." said Renge, as Yukimura's breasts brushed against the floor as she flattened herself in the straddle. 

"Look who's talking." retorted Yukimura. "At least I have an excuse. But you're thinner than me and taller too. How close to underweight are you?"

"I'm not close." said Renge, as she pulled Yukimura back and took her own seat on the floor. 

"Don't lie to me Renge, you're bad at it." said Yukimura, fiercely, as she pushed Renge down with a little more force than was strictly necessary. 

"....yet. I'm not underweight yet. I'm verging on it, though. My BMI is 20." said Renge, finally. Her beautiful face was slightly furrowed and her eyes were completely shut off to Yukimura.

"You need to eat more than tea and crackers when you're at home, Renge." said Yukimura, with a soft sigh. "I know you don’t eat as much as everyone else, but you're an athlete. You're worrying myself and Chihiro. The last thing that Chihiro needs is more stress." Her best tactic had always been the guilt-trip. 

"I'm fine." said Renge, firmly, but softly. "I know you're worried, but truly, there's no reason to be."

"But there is, darling." said Yukimura, as she let go of of her press on Renge's back and laid on her back, so Renge could push her feet to her head. "Asking me to not worry about my team and my friends, is liking asking the world to spin counter-clockwise."

"Are you not the daughter of god?" asked Renge, lightly, as she pushed Yukimura's thin leg down (and if Yukimura wasn't mistaken, Renge's fingers moved in an almost caress down Yukimura's calf).

Yukimura laughed as she stood back up, ignoring the twinge in her joints as she stopped stretching. "Oh, if only, Renge." she said, with a toss of her head. She adjusted her jacket and strode back towards the courts to clap her hands, to signify they were starting to run. "And if anyone is under three minutes per lap, you do swing practise all of this afternoon!" she said, cheerfully. 

~~~~~~~XXXX~~~~~~

It took all of her effort to stay standing during the duration of practise. It had been a bad idea to try and run the laps with everyone else. Her head had started spinning on the fourth lap and she’d had to drop out, while trying to hide the fact that all of her limbs wanted her to melt into jelly and sleep for a while. 

She managed to cross her arms and look vaguely menacing as everyone had run laps, instead, with her jacket fluttering on her shoulders instead, ignoring the _looks _that Renge and Chihiro had given her upon dropping out. But dear, dear Bunko had managed to cheer her up, by trying to wheedle her way out of suicide drills, begging for a midol and an ice-pack, and trying to bribe her with cake.__

__It had been such a delight to refuse her and assign her extra. And she knew that by the slight smile that Bunko had shot her, that she’d almost wanted that extra punishment. Perhaps for the unsightly loss against the Golden Pair at National finals._ _

__Sometimes, Yukimura delighted in the fact that she’d managed to find a team full of some of the biggest masochists she’d ever known. It did make life easier when they all revelled in seeing others in pain and feeling pain themselves. Maybe it was part of being a girl. The monthly cycle screwed with how their systems worked and how they measured pain and what pain meant to them all._ _

__Or maybe it wasn’t. Other girls weren’t like this, after all._ _

__It was with a sigh that Yukimura ended the practise, and let her aching team go, before collapsing on the benches. She thanked her lucky stars sometimes, that she only shared her locker space with Renge and Chihiro and that the other girsl needed the shower. She didn’t want anyone else to see her like this. Her hands shaking, her skin pouring with a cold sweat and her frantic scrambling through her school bag for the pills that she had to take every other hour - weak._ _

__There were thirteen pills and two syrups in all. All of them were in ghastly shades of the rainbow, intended perhaps to be cheerful and make people feel less worse about being ill. All it did for Yukimura was make her feel ill and want to smash the pills up against the wall. Instead, she grabbed them all and downed all thirteen at once, without any water._ _

__By virtue of necessity, she no longer had much of a gag reflex, really. If she was into boys, she was sure that would have delighted many. Instead, it just served to make this process easier. The taste was unspeakable, but the fact that she could taste anything other than cardboard was an improvement. The coughing fit at the cacophany of tastes was a sign that she was getting better and that she was _alive _. That’s what she had to keep telling herself, as she attempted to not claw out her own throat.___ _

____She washed away the taste with some water and an energy bar, and by the time that Renge and Chihiro had returned from their shower, she was in the middle of getting changed and her hands were no longer shaking. Yukimura grinned upon seeing Chihiro’s long lean muscles. Oh, she knew that she came into school for a reason._ _ _ _

____She pinched the outer edge of Chihiro’s thigh and grinned at the slight glare that Chihiro offered her. “Getting chubby, are we?” she teased. It was perhaps the furthest thing from the truth; Chihiro’s muscles practically glimmered with the strength and the latent heat from the showers._ _ _ _

____“Oh, shut it. At least I’m eating.” said Chihiro, with an affronted look at Renge. “Unlike you two, might I add.”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, we’re the poster girls for anorexics weekly.” said Yukimura, with an amused look. “Didn’t you know?”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro just thwacked her around the head. “Don’t joke about it, some people actually suffer from eating disorders.”_ _ _ _

____They all sobered up and glanced back at Bunko’s place, where she was cheerfully joking with Jacqueline, tugging at the taller girl’s unusually natural hair. It had been a shock to hear the girl’s confession a year ago, about her struggles with her love of food and the hurtful comments that had come her way after her curvy figure had attracted her many boyfriends. Bulimia was no joking matter._ _ _ _

____“Yeah...” said Yukimura, with a soft sigh. Bunko’s issues with her body and her love of food worried Yukimura more than she could really express. But Bunko was getting better, according to Masako and Jacqueline. With less teasing, more positive support, more compliments and very firm but subtle monitoring from all of them.... Bunko would get to the point where it would never be an issue again._ _ _ _

____“She’s making cookies for tomorrow, to celebrate.” said Renge, softly, as she tied back her long and wonderfully straight hair._ _ _ _

____“Celebrate what?” asked Yukimura, as she deftly braided her hair back, now that her fingers felt less like putty._ _ _ _

____“Obon, of course.” said Chihiro, looking serious, as her hair was brushed back by a blue headband. Her soft black hair was so short, that she needed to do little else but clip it back. “Mochi would be more appropriate, though.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh yeah.” said Yukimura, as she slung her schoolbag over her shoulder, ignoring the twinge of her back and the slight sensation of needing to tip over and press her face to the floor. She’d almost forgotten. Then again, she’d not even noticed the passing of Tanabata, until Hiromi had told her about it, during a rare solo visit from the responsible girl._ _ _ _

____“I’ll have to leave from practise early tomorrow, Seiko.” said Chihiro, as they made their way to class, with a lazy ease. Lots of their classmates waved to them, and Yukimura took pleasure in waving back and actually having her hand cooperate. “We’re heading up to Tokyo, to go see the family shrine and commemorate the dead.”_ _ _ _

____“Sure. Make sure you take photos of the Tokyo festival, okay?” said Yukimura, with little resistance. The tennis season was over for a while, and while she cared a lot about making sure that the sport was upkept, there was no reason for Chihiro to have to attend every practise devotedly, now that the tournament season was over and they were retiring._ _ _ _

____Next year was another matter, though._ _ _ _

____“I will, if Sasuke doesn’t hog the camera.” she said, with a frown and a grumble._ _ _ _

____Renge laughed, gently. “Bribe him with mochi. My mother’s making four batches tonight, and I’m bringing them in. That’s why Bunko isn’t making any.”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro frowned again. “Well, you could have mentioned that, before making me look like an idiot.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura laughed, as she rolled up the sleeves of her blazer and pulled her skirt a little higher, like most of the girls at Rikkai Academy. “Oh but dear Chihiro,” she said, grabbing Chihiro’s arm with a wheedling look (pretending that it was to annoy her and not because she’d just lost her balance), “Where’s the fun in that?”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro scowled more but reluctantly joined in with their laughter, creating a melodic harmony. “What do you think about a study session at my house at the end of the week? I heard from Masako’s elder sister that it gets more difficult this semester.”_ _ _ _

____“I’ll keep the time free. If it is necessary, then I would love to.” said Renge, politely, as they made their way up the stairwell, to get to Chihiro’s formroom. Chihiro hated being late to class, by even a few seconds, so they always met there in the mornings._ _ _ _

____“Can we make it a sleepover?” asked Yukimura, sweetly, not even contesting the necessity for the study session. She was a model student, but only because she tried hard. Her actual intelligence was nowhere near Chihiro’s or Renge’s. Only in the arts and languages did Yukimura excel and shine, like a star. The study sessions where her friends drilled in practical knowledge to her head, was entirely necessary._ _ _ _

____“I’ll ask my mother, but it should be fine.” said Chihiro, as she took a seat at her desk. Yukimura flopped down on top of desk next to Chihiro’s, letting her skirt hitch up, as she propped up her legs on the edge of Chihiro’s desk. Renge stood next to her, using her shoulder so she could slouch a little._ _ _ _

____“What will your mother say, Seiko?” asked Renge, turning to Yukimura._ _ _ _

____“As long as I don’t die, it’s fine. She likes Chihiro’s family anyway. I’m sure that she’d let me live at Chihiro’s house if I took my pills.” Yukimura said flippantly._ _ _ _

____“My mother would love that. She thinks you’re an angel reincarnated, and wants nothing more than to feed you up.” said Chihiro, with an almost amused expression, as she pulled out her pencil-case and her notes._ _ _ _

____“Urgh, I’d love that too. Your mother’s cooking is so amazing.” whined Yukimura, with a slightly blissful expression on her face. Sanada-kaa-san’s grilled fish was to die for...and the noodles weren’t even ready-made._ _ _ _

____“Would you really?’ asked Renge, with an amused look. Yukimura tossed her a look. Renge knew that she was definitely sort-of attracted to pretty much all of her team, and especially Chihiro and Renge. Did she have to rub it in?_ _ _ _

____“Shush. Yes, I would.” said Yukimura, with a sweet smile._ _ _ _

____~~~~~~XXX~~~~~_ _ _ _

____After formroom, Yukimura’s first lesson was Art. Yukimura had always loved art, because of the freedom to creativity. Not to mention the classroom itself was so much brighter and more cheerful than other classrooms. The art teacher almost never lectured, instead assigned projects, dropped advice on their artworks and discussed life with them, as if he were a friend and not a student._ _ _ _

____It was one of the most relaxed classes of Yukimura’s day and Yukimura loved the feeling of being good at it. People looked at her art and gaped at how realistic she managed to make it, while still expressing emotion. They looked at it and admired her. And Yukimura wasn’t going to lie, that was a great feeling. That feeling of admiration, that feeling that she was looked up to. That was great._ _ _ _

____While her actual friends in the class were few, because Yukimura actually focused on getting assignments done, instead of chatting around, she loved the ability to discuss art with like-minded people and hear their opinions when it was time for group discussion._ _ _ _

____Bunko was the only one from the tennis team in art, and Yukimura knew that she had taken art as an easy subject and felt no real passion for it. Yukimura didn’t mind so much; not everybody had the passion that she did._ _ _ _

____Yukimura grabbed a front seat in the class and pulled her large sketchbook out of her bag, with a wide smile for the teacher, as he bustled around with papers. “It’s good to see you back, Yukimura-chan.” he said, with a warm smile. “The classroom was emptier without your masterpieces!”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura smiled, warmly. “Thank you for thinking of me, sensei.” she said, with a small smile, as she took one of the assignment sheets he’d handed out and skimmed it quickly. Apparently, the class had studied cubism before the end of last term and now they wanted to apply it in a painting with oil. A random object, that meant something to them, that they always had on them._ _ _ _

____Well, that was fairly obvious. Yukimura reached down for her tennis racquet and pulled it out. She met Bunko’s eyes from across the classroom, who was doing the same, and they both laughed a little._ _ _ _

____Yukimura tapped the pencil against her face as she started thinking of concept sketches for how she wanted to make it a cubist racquet. It would have to stop looking like a racquet, but would need to keep the curves of the grip tape and the cross-hatched strings. There would probably be different types of paper and wilder colours, and while Yukimura was a little wary of a more abstract style, she had to explore into alternative avenues of art to improve her signature pieces._ _ _ _

____Yukimura pressed down the pencil to the paper to make a preliminary sketch of her racquet itself, balancing her most precious possession against her table’s connection with the upraised desk of her seatmate. But the moment that she pressed her pencil against the paper, the line came out in a wobbly and unsteady line._ _ _ _

____She frowned at her hand, tightened her grip from the loose grip that she preferred and tried again. The line didn’t stabilize into the clean thing that Yukimura had been expecting. Yukimura cursed, silently, at her oversight. After the surgery, she had been so focused on tennis, that she had never picked up a pen or pencil. Not to write kanji or even to draw._ _ _ _

____As her sensei came close, Yukimura dropped her pencil and quickly placed her elbows over her pathetic attempts at sketching. “Hello, Yukimura-chan.” he said. ‘Have any ideas?”_ _ _ _

____“A few!” she said, with a warm smile. “They’re still in the works though. It’s definitely going to be my tennis racquet, however.”_ _ _ _

____He smiled at her, with a reassuring smile. “Well, I look forward to seeing your creativity, Yukimura-chan. If you need my help, just give me a shout.” Yukimura was well-aware that this sensei was pretty young and and handsome. She knew that a lot of the girls in her formroom had a crush on him and she could see some of them muttering at the attention that Yukimura always got from him._ _ _ _

____Yukimura would have been flattered, if she had been interested in guys. As it was, it was just a little irritating, though thankfully, he kept his interest in her work strictly professional._ _ _ _

____Yukimura glanced down at the pathetic attempts at coordination with a pencil and groaned a little. Motor control was back, yes. But fine motor control?_ _ _ _

____Yukimura quickly sketched out the kenji for her name. Yukimura Seiko. It was shaky and thin and unconfident. Worse than even Ayaka’s dreadful handwriting. How was she going to be able to deal with this? At least in Art, she was given slack. But she had to take notes in other classes and hand in assignments._ _ _ _

____She pursed her lips together and attempted to not cry in frustration. She was back to this helpless feeling and she hated it. With all of her might._ _ _ _

____~~~~~XXX~~~~~_ _ _ _

____The humiliating part about attending her modern european history class was shamefully telling her teacher that her fine motor control hadn’t quite returned yet and she couldn’t write anything. She was quiet and the sensei was kind and very relenting about it, but it rankled at Yukimura to allow any weakness._ _ _ _

____She took a seat next to Chihiro at the front of the classroom and smiled, pretending that the conversation at the front hadn’t just happened and Chihiro hadn’t just overheard it. “How’d Home Economics go?” she asked, as she got out her textbook and flipped it open to the right page. Even if she couldn’t take notes, she could read along._ _ _ _

____“I’ll make a copy of my notes at lunch.” said Chihiro, fiercely, looking utterly determined, completely ignoring Yukimura’s lightly neutral question. “And come home with me today, I’ll write your homework. You just dictate what you want me to write and I’ll do it.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura had to stop her breath from hitching in her throat. “I’m sorry to be a burden.” she murmured, resolutely not looking at Chihiro._ _ _ _

____“Don’t be stupid, Seiko.” said Chihiro, her deep brown gaze boring into the side of Seiko’s face. Luckily for Yukimura’s nerves, sensei started lecturing about the Weimar Republic and it’s failings and Yukimura was able to tune away from the fact that she was weak. And failing. And _still_ needed Chihiro’s every help, even now she was out of the hospital. _ _ _ _

____On second thoughts, concentrating on the lecture without taking notes was difficult. Yukimura’s mind kept going depressing places and she mused that she really would need a copy of Chihiro’s notes, now. It was a negative feedback loop, and Yukimura just wanted class to finish already, so she could breathe a little easier._ _ _ _

____As the class faded away from the lecture and into the work-period time, Yukimura swallowed a little nervously and glanced down at her paper. She took a pencil from Chihiro’s pencilcase and slowly attempted to try and form the words that she wanted. The shaky edges and the varying pressure points made Yukimura cringe and Chihiro’s look upon seeing the handwriting was perhaps the worst feeling that Yukimura had experience in a while._ _ _ _

____Yukimura placed down the pencil, slowly picked up an eraser and wiped away the evidence of her inability to even complete simple tasks. She buried her face in her hands for a few seconds and breathed in deeply once and exhaled. Her warm breath against her fingers made her feel a little more secure about herself._ _ _ _

____She looked up to meet Chihiro’s worried gaze. “Looks like you’re going to have to teach me how to write again, Chihiro. It’ll be elementary school all over again!” she said, with a slightly shaky smile._ _ _ _

____Chihiro didn’t return it. “They’re not covering writing in rehab?”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura laughed, a little bitterly. “I was too busy trying to walk. I think they’ll get to fine motor control next week, once they can be sure that I have the stamina to run.” she said, as she flicked a strand of her hair behind her ear, making sure to linger and make the move look seductive._ _ _ _

____As intended, Chihiro’s gaze followed Yukimura’s palm, with the unreadable expression on her face that Yukimura was so fond of guessing._ _ _ _

____“You should have stayed in rehab for a few more days.” said Chihiro, her eyes worried, the wrinkles around her eyes and mouth getting a little more pronounced._ _ _ _

____“Perhaps. But then it wouldn’t be my body that would be broken, but my mind. I’d have gone mad for even one day more.” said Yukimura, dropping her attempt at being seductive. Chihiro clearly wasn’t in the mood to be distracted by playful flirting. Neither was she, really, not with the slight tingling in her fingers._ _ _ _

____~~~~~~~XXXXXXXX~~~~~_ _ _ _

____They sat out on the benches for lunch, she, Masako and Hiromi. Usually Bunko and Jacqueline joined them, but Jacqueline was off doing something music related that Yukimura wasn’t too interested in and Bunko had a revision session or somthing like that. Still, even without Jacqueline and Bunko, the atmosphere was peaceful. Yukimura had missed this._ _ _ _

____There was something lazy in the humid air and the dappled sunlight that fell over them and Yukimura couldn’t help but smile at everything that Masako and Hiromi were talking about._ _ _ _

____It seemed to matter less, about how her stomach was clenching up with the pain of hunger, but how she couldn’t force even a single crumb past the tight knot in her throat, without feeling like she was going to throw up. Not when her friends weren’t looking at her like she was about to break at any moment, for once. She could deal with the fact that her only nutrition was coming from the smoothie that she had able to force herself to swallow._ _ _ _

____“...so she was convinced that after she’d kissed her boy and her period came late, that she was preggers. Of course, I couldn’t miss up something like that, so I started spinning some story about my aunt, and by the end, she was hyperventilating.” related Masako, with an amused grin._ _ _ _

____“And then I took pity on her and told her that Niou-chan was lying.” said Hiromi, as she adjusted her glasses, and took a piece of broccoli from Masako’s lunchbox._ _ _ _

____“Because Yag’s a spoilsport.” said Masako, as she stretched out, her untucked shirt rising up to show off the flat planes of her stomach, as she flopped down on the benches. “I mean who believes that?”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s mouth twitched. Did she...why not? “Well, up until a couple of years ago, so did Chihiro.” she inputted, grinning a little at how Masako darted up from her perch in shocked amusement and how Hiromi’s eyebrows rose. “So not so difficult to believe. But at this age, she should know better. I mean, I didn’t have my period for over four months while in hospital.” she said, with a shrug. “So it’s more about your personal health.”_ _ _ _

____Masako brought her face forward until it was in front of Yukimura’s and Yukimura could see all of Masako’s eyelashes, still faintly brown from her normal hair colour. She really was beautiful, even without her makeup and styled hair. “Please say that anecdote about Sanada-fukubuchou is true?!”_ _ _ _

____With a slight twitch of her lips, Yukimura just nodded. “She doesn’t anymore, however. We quite dissuaded her of it.” It had been quite the conversation with Renge, where she and Renge had been inwardly shocked and outwardly exasperated about Chihiro’s strange understandings about how sex worked. Still, Yukimura was almost a little disappointed. It would have been easier to try and coax Chihiro into a kiss if she’d used the excuse that she couldn’t get her pregnant like with a boy._ _ _ _

____Masako laughed, as she tossed her hair back. “Gosh, the things you learn.” she said, with a slightly amused smile. “Don’t you think it’s interesting, Yags~?”_ _ _ _

____Hiromi’s expression was carefully blank as she stole more of Masako’s lunch. “I think that you’re plotting mischief for the next time that you and Sanada-chan get into an argument, and I want nothing to do with it.” she primly said, in a tone that clearly indicated that she could be bribed._ _ _ _

____Yukimura let out an exasperated sigh. “If you do anything, it better not be interfering with tennis or something too awful, _Niou_.” she said, using her friend’s last name for emphasis. Chihiro did have a tendency to overreact about non-tennis things however, so Yukimura was sure that Chihiro would probably deserve it a little._ _ _ _

____“Who me?” asked Masako, her eyes flashing. “I won’t do anything of the sort.” she shrugged, and the mischief did fall from her eyes. “It’s not even that juicy a detail. Just really funny.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura shook her head amusedly, as she took a sip from her water. She was a little behind on her tablet taking, but she didn’t want to leave her place against the tree and the comfortable conversation, here. Perhaps she should have gone to water her flowers today, but she couldn’t regret this._ _ _ _

____“Yukimura-chan, you mentioned that a pause in menstruation can be caused by poor health?” asked Hiromi, politely, tucking her silky hair behind her ear. Yukimura thought the action was more seductive than Hiromi really intended, but Hiromi was one of those girls who you weren’t really sure about. There was more mischief in Hiromi than she liked to show anyone anyway. “I’d better do damage-control later.”_ _ _ _

____Talking about it didn’t sound too appealing, but it was Hiromi and she wasn’t the sort to talk about it for the sake of it. Hidden mischief or not, Hiromi knew when to be serious. “Yeah, usually poor nutrition was what the doctors said, but there are probably other reasons. I dunno, I tried not to listen to the doctors, you know? Gave me a bit more hope for making it out sane.” Yukimura said, easily, pretending to shrug it off._ _ _ _

____Masako’s subsequent flop onto Yukimura’s thighs was probably a testament to how transparent Yukimura was being about her hospital stay. Yukimura poked Masako’s cheek, hoping that the pressure wasn’t too much to be painful. Fine motor control was evidently still difficult. “Masako, I’m not a bed.” said Yukimura, with a slight laugh, as she ran her hands through Masako’s bleached hair. Slightly crunchy, but still pretty. “I can’t be comfortable, either, all bony and all.”_ _ _ _

____Masako just grinned, and made a small biting motion at Yukimura’s hands. “You just smell nice, buchou. Makes this easier. Even if Yags is more comfy, you’re a way better sport.”_ _ _ _

____“And yet, she still uses me as a napping spot on the train.” murmured Hiromi, with a placid smile and a knowing look with Yukimura._ _ _ _

____“Puri~ I treasure every bruise I get from you shoving me onto the glass.” said Masako, with a lecherous wink and Yukimura laughed, delightedly. Gosh, she loved this._ _ _ _

____Her joy was cut short by her jaw being unable to form the words she wanted to say and actually just being unable to shut, in general. She instantly clapped her hand over the mouth, to try and prevent the other two from seeing her weakness. If she wasn’t careful, she’d start drooling and Yukimura started breathing a little heavier to try and stimulate her jaw into working again. The only one who’d seen her so undone was Chihiro and probably Renge and she wanted to keep it that way._ _ _ _

____Masako didn’t notice, thinking that Yukimura was just laughing too hard for an unfunny joke, but Hiromi’s glance was too sharp for Yukimura’s liking. She got her jaw under control pretty quickly afterwards, as Hiromi took the conversation away from Yukimura and by the time that Yukimura could speak again, she quietly excused herself from her friends, to go down her pills in the bathroom._ _ _ _

____Most likely she would have frozen up, whether she’d taken the pills on time or not, but Yukimura didn’t want to tempt fate any longer. This was bad enough._ _ _ _

____~~~~~~XXXX~~~~~~~_ _ _ _

____The day didn’t get any easier, and by the time that Yukimura’s seventh class had rolled around, Yukimura was ready for the day to be over. She was tired already, her stamina draining very rapidly. She just wanted to retreat into a cocoon of blankets in her bed and not do anything. It was one thing training a body to play tennis for a month, but it was another thing to train her body to be normal again._ _ _ _

____It was more tiring to do normal things like climb stairs and smile and hide her tremours from everyone, than it had been to play against the Echizen-brat. But she never gave up and she _was_ going to last the entire day. She was determined to succeed. _ _ _ _

____Still, it was a relief when a messenger came to pull Yukimura out of her French class, away from the culture project assignments that Yukimura knew nothing about and couldn’t concentrate on._ _ _ _

____The news that she received was slightly less welcome, however. “With all due respect sir,” said Yukimura, fluttering her eyelashes and folding her hands neatly into her lap, “Isn’t it a waste of school funds to have nurses for my sole use in school?”_ _ _ _

____The headmaster glanced down at Yukimura, his gaze warm. “As a star student of our school and one whose contributions have been endless, it is a pleasure to have you back in our hallowed halls. But we wouldn’t wish to see you in any distress while continuing your life, so the nurses can aid your time here.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s smile in response to that was bland. She didn’t need someone to help her walk, write or hover around her. She already had Chihiro and Renge and the rest of her team hovering like a bunch of mother hens, she scarcely needed more people to make her feel like a proper invalid._ _ _ _

____“I appreciate your concern, but I guarantee you, I’ll be fine.” assured Yukimura, tilting her head, regally, with her most persuasive voice. She didn’t know how else to show her displeasure without outrightly getting angry at an authority figure._ _ _ _

____The headmaster shook his head as he leant forward,. “I want to make sure. It will be something you will endure for two months, Yukimura-san. I won’t take no for an answer.” he said, his voice serious. Yukimura inwardly sighed, just what she needed, to feel more inadequate._ _ _ _

____Outwardly though, she just curtly nodded and stood up to leave, hiding the slight tremour that ran up her leg, to make a clean, smooth bow. “Thank you, sir.” she said, as she left the room._ _ _ _

____Once she was safely out of earshot, she growled angrily and glared at the windows. “I’m not an invalid. I’m getting better.” she muttered, as she glanced out at the gardens of Rikkai. She’d have to have words with the Beautification Commitee. They’d deteriorated in quality during her absence._ _ _ _

____“Seiko-buchou?” asked a gentle voice from behind her and Yukimura whirled around. Jacqueline’s half-head of hair was no longer streaked with the yellow for victory, but was now black and natural. Yukimura didn’t think she’d seen Jacqueline’s natural hair since their first week of school, and it was rather strange to see. “Is everything okay?” asked Jacqueline, as she placed her tanned hand on Yukimura’s shoulder. Jacqueline was the sort of easy-going strength that Yukimura almost envied, but mostly just admired._ _ _ _

____She could only feel part of Jacqueline’s hand, that was the thing that scared Yukimura, a little. “Fine, fine.” she dismissed, as she leant back against the window, inconspicuously detaching Jacqueline’s hand from her shoulder in the process, by pretending to adjust her bra strap. “Shouldn’t you be in class?”_ _ _ _

____“I have english tutoring this year. But my tutee didn’t show up, so I can do what I like until school ends.” said Jacqueline, with a warm laugh that always made Yukimura’s heart feel a little easier. “Would you like to wander a little, buchou?”_ _ _ _

____The last thing that Yukimura wanted to do was wander and have to try and walk, but if she refused to wander, it would be strange, since she’d loved to walk around before falling ill. Sometimes she wondered whether she was really good at hiding her pain, or whether people were purposefully trying to see her as she had been in the past. “Lead the way.” she said, haughtily, with an accent specifically designed to mock Atobe and Jacqueline laughed again._ _ _ _

____Yukimura didn’t like following anybody, but following meant that Jacqueline had less chance to see her wobble and tremble. “Did you hear about the art trip to France, buchou?” asked Jacqueline, conversationally, as the taller girl’s hands swung by her sides, with a casualness that Yukimura wished she could have._ _ _ _

____“No, he didn’t mention it in class.” said Yukimura, her eyes widening. Seeing France with her classmates, instead of her mum, being dragged around and forced to model. That was...something she really wanted. “You going?”_ _ _ _

____“Nah, it’s during my capoeira competitions. But you should go, buchou, France is like your dream.” said Jacqueline, an easy grin on her friendly, pretty face._ _ _ _

____Yukimura let a small smile touch her face, which was quickly removed as Jacqueline made a startled cry upon looking behind her. Yukimura whirled around; she wasn’t in trouble, her hands were working fine, what was going on? She blinked at seeing Bunko in the infirmary bed and followed Jacqueline into the small, darkened room._ _ _ _

____“Bunko, what happened?” demanded Jacqueline, as she gripped Bunko’s hands, with a horrified look on her face._ _ _ _

____Bunko grinned, lopsidedly, as she brushed away some of her red hair from her face. “Hey buchou, Jackie. Apparently period cramps and not eating lunch aren’t great together, huh?” she said, cheerfully, with a weak wave. “Fainted in the middle of class, sensei told me to sleep here for a bit.”_ _ _ _

____Jacqueline sighed, in relief, and Yukimura just perched on the end of Bunko’s bed, to still her own slightly trembling legs. Just thinking about something being wrong with her, led to something not working. Fuck this. Still, this wasn’t about her, now, this was about Bunko and she could get over her fucking problems for ten minutes. She wasn’t the one in a hospital bed this time, something she could only be grateful for._ _ _ _

____“How could you have skipped lunch, Bunko? Wasn’t it your favourite too? Like from that chinese restaurant around the block?” demanded Jacqueline, her eyes contorted, with a deep frown that didn’t suit her face._ _ _ _

____“I just forgot, don’t be so melodramatic. We were busy planning for the science project, and I totally forgot to eat. It’s just one time, geez, you’re so fussy, Jackie.” said Bunko, with an easy laugh, shaking it off._ _ _ _

____Yukimura pursed her lips, slightly. “Wasn’t that the story last time, as well? According to what you told me and Masako, anyway. One meal forgotten, led to three meals forgotten, led to ten meals forgotten.”_ _ _ _

____Bunko’s grin became fixated and Yukimura smiled, gently, as he reached across for Bunko’s pretty hands, with the painstakingly decorated nails. “Bunko, you’re an athlete. Don’t forget that. Ignore what all of those other girls are saying. You need a decent amount of weight and food to keep you running, and you’re naturally stocky. Yes, you’ll never look like Renge, but Renge’s unhealthy in her own way. Just eat what feels natural. And that’s all that will ever matter.” Ignoring the hypocrisy where Yukimura wasn’t really eating all that much either, it was good advice._ _ _ _

____Jacqueline nodded, as she squeezed Bunko’s other hand. “Sides, Bunko, it’s not like any of them are much prettier. They’re just stick thin. You’re really cute already. None of them can make genius volleys, right? Some of them can’t even hold a racket for half an hour, let alone play a three set match.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura smiled encouragingly, as Bunko looked away from both of their gazes, staring down at the blanket that covered her midriff, with a slightly pained expression, that didn’t sound her usually cheerful countenance. “It’s not easy... it’s not even someone saying anything. It’s just me....”_ _ _ _

____“We know, Bunko.” said Yukimura, softly. “And we’re with you, you know that?”_ _ _ _

____“Exactly.” said Jacqueline, as she pulled Bunko, into a loose hug. “I’m right here. Fuck, we live really close to each other Bunko, I can run over to your place if you need me. And Masako’s in your class. I’ll kick anyone in their ugly faces if they say a word about you.”_ _ _ _

____Bunko laughed and Yukimura grinned as well. “Chihiro will join in as well, she hates gossipers. She’ll chase after them with her shinai and Jacqueline will kick them over into the ocean, and you’ll never feel like this again. Because only Rikkai members are allowed to abuse each other, okay?”_ _ _ _

____The startled laughter from everyone trailed out of the darkened sick room, into the sterile corridors._ _ _ _

____~~~~~XXXX~~~~~_ _ _ _

____Beautification Committee meeting had gone along without occasion. People had been glad to have her back, Yukimura had expressed her disapproval with the standard of the roof gardens, and they’d drawn up plans to increase planting everywhere that wasn’t affected by builder blocks._ _ _ _

____Which meant that for once she arrived at tennis practise early. Today was just strange for her timing. Yukimura hoped that it wasn’t going to be a trend, she rather liked strolling into the locker rooms when everyone was still changing and commanding as she got changed, with a languid grace._ _ _ _

____But there was no grace to be seen as she hurriedly shimmied into her skirt and downed the pills that she needed to take, before Renge’s Student Council Meetings and Chihiro’s Morality Council meetings ended. She was still coughing and adjusting her headband when Chihiro arrived._ _ _ _

____“Seiko?” she asked, with a concerned look._ _ _ _

____“It’s fine, it’s fine.” dismissed Yukimura, as she wiped the traces of tears from her eyes and straightened, as she checked her appearance in the mirror. She looked a little paler and more gaunt than she had eight months ago, when she’d last stood here, but there was something more tempered in her eyes and she looked just as ruthless as before, with her unsmiling mouth and curly hair pressed back by the white cloth._ _ _ _

____Her lips tugged up into a pleased expression as she smoothened out her skirt and popped the jacket on her shoulders. Despite being inside, the jacket still managed to look like it was fluttering as she strode up to where the majority of the tennis members would be able to see her and climbed up onto a bench._ _ _ _

____“When you get outside, I want one hundred laps off the bat, and then we will be playing King-of-the-Court games! Make sure your racquets are well strung and that your shoelaces are tied and don’t forget waterbottles! Today is hot and humid, and if any of you faint, we’ll be using you as an obstacle equipment, so don’t!” she called. The other sports clubs that were changing snickered slightly, but all of the tennis members knew that she was being serious, and all dived for their waterbottles._ _ _ _

____She hopped down, wincing slightly at the tingle that ran up her legs and the slight misstep that she had to make to steady her centre of mass. It took all of her effort to just keep walking in a straight line towards her cubby, instead of gripping a wall for support. Grabbing her bag on her way, she nodded to Renge who’d just arrived and walked out to the courts, to take her place at the bench, to watch everybody run their laps._ _ _ _

____She wasn’t repeating her mistake from the morning. It was better to stand tall without running laps from the beginning than switch in the middle. A strong leader stuck with their decision to its end, because they’d made the right decision from the beginning._ _ _ _

____Her face pulled into a discontented frown as she noticed someone already at her bench. Her stride increased, as she ignored the slight dizziness from her head protesting to the increase of her pace. The black curly hair was instantly recognizable, as were the crutches propped up across the younger girl’s lap._ _ _ _

____“Ayaka?” asked Yukimura, her voice sharp. The younger girl’s head whipped around, a look of panic and fear on her face._ _ _ _

____“Buchou, it’s dreadful!” she wailed, as she tugged at her gorgeous curls. “They say I’ll have the cast for two whole months!”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s eyebrows reached her headband line, as she took a seat next to Ayaka, stretching her legs out as well. One of Ayaka’s legs was well tanned and scarred from countless falls and cuts, but the other was encased in a solid neon-yellow cast, that clashed horrendously with Rikkai’s green and blue school uniform. “Why don’t you start slowly and tell me what happened, hmm?” asked Yukimura, gently, with the voice she used for her younger sister. Sometimes, when Ayaka wasn’t trying to usurp her position, the younger girl was quite adorable._ _ _ _

____“I was skating in this morning because my alarm clock rang super late and the bus driver left me standing there and then there was this cat and I couldn’t brake in time and I tripped over it and landed wrong and there was this crack-noise and it hurt like fuuuuuck. And one of the teachers noticed and they called the nurse and they called my mum and I had to go to hospital and they said that I broke my leg and I can’t play for two whole months, and they’re wrong, right buchou?” blabbered Ayaka, her green eyes wide and frenzied._ _ _ _

____Yukimura wasn’t sure whether to be amused or just saddened by the loss of time for Ayaka. “Unfortunately, for once, the doctors are right.” said Yukimura, calmly, as she placed a hand against Ayaka’s cheek gently, to soothe her ego. “If you’ve broken your leg, you definitely need to rest it and not play or run laps.”_ _ _ _

____Ayaka’s lips parted annoyedly and she tossed her untied hair behind her, with a despairing look. “I thought you’d get it too buchou! I just _can’t_ live without tennis for two months, buuuuuuchoooouuuu.”_ _ _ _

____“Surprisingly,” Yukimura dryly commented, as she moved her hand to Ayaka’s shoulder, with a surprising amount of control, “Life goes on, whether or not you can play. Besides, if you play like this, you’d just be a liability. Get better, then prove us proud.”_ _ _ _

____The expression on Ayaka’s face was quite something. It was a mix of emotions as she ran through annoyed, pensive and resigned. “It’s just...boring! And it means I have to get up even earlier to get to school. Heck, my sister would have to drive me and she hates my guts! And then I can’t even do anything, I just have to watch everyone else play....” she trailed off, with a miserable expression on her face. “You know what it’s like buchou, it’s miserable!”_ _ _ _

____She did. She really did. Watching everyone else play the sport that practically ran in her blood when she could barely stand and move...yeah, it hurt like being stabbed countlessly, like Caesar as he collapsed and cried ‘Et tu, Brute?’ to his closest friends. “Look on the bright side, I can teach you how to take over leadership like this.” said Yukimura, coolly, with a bright smile, to overtake her own feelings of inadequacy. Another part of being a strong leader was taking on everyone else’s problems and dealing with them, even if you weren’t sure if you could deal with your own problems. “You still want to be buchou when I graduate, don’t you?”_ _ _ _

____It was like watching a candle light. Ayaka’s eyes widened, her slouch straightened and there was a sparkling smile over the previously-grumpy girl’s face. “Really?” she asked, with a hushed voice, as she reached forward to grip Yukimura’s hands. “You’ll teach me how to be as an awesome buchou as you?”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura laughed, helplessly. “That charisma has to come from you. But I can teach you how to lead and what to do.” she said, with a soft smile, before cocking her head upon seeing the majority of the tennis team leave the lockers and start running laps. “For instance, lap running. You have to criticize well. You have to call out an individual with how to improve, which means that you need to know how to run perfectly yourself.”_ _ _ _

____Ayaka nodded. “And be more critical when they start, right? Because they’re less tired?”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura smiled in approval, Ayaka was a good observer and that was already a huge start to being a good leader. She just needed to find her authority. “That’s right. Who is slacking off right now?”_ _ _ _

____Ayaka’s eyes trained on the group and Yukimura quickly sat on top of her hands that were already becoming numb. No. Not now. “Yagy--no, that’s Niou-senpai.” she said, pointing to Hiromi who was running, her braided hair neatly pulled back into a bun. Yukimura tilted her head and smiled as she noticed the slightly too pale thighs. Hiromi had spent more time with Chihiro out in the sun last summer and the tan hadn’t faded yet, so it was definitely Masako with thighs that pale._ _ _ _

____“So it is. Call out Hiromi’s name, since we have King-of-the-Court matches today, let the deception continue.”_ _ _ _

____“Oi, Yagyuu-senpai! Pick up the pace! What are you, a hyperactive five year old?!” bellowed Ayaka, and Yukimura’s eyebrows reached her headband again as she pressed her lips together tightly to stop herself from laughing. Ayaka had been listening to Chihiro too frequently, that much was clear._ _ _ _

____“That’s good, but less insults. You want to make your team confident and tell them to improve, not intimidate them into improvement.” Yukimura said, as her hands finally started having sensation again, only for her temples to start twinging from the sound of drilling from the construction project. It was really far too hot today and she sighed as she glanced down at Ayaka’s cast. At least Ayaka hadn’t asked people to start signing it yet. She remembered when one of her art classmates had broken her arm, she’d doodled all over the cast. If she didn’t do that soon, people would get suspicious, Yukimura loved drawing on people’s things if they asked._ _ _ _

____Ayaka’s eyes were focused solely on the runners though, beadily watching for any sign of them slacking off, which was what a good buchou had to do and Yukimura was already impressed. Maybe she could hand over Rikkai to Ayaka earlier than she’d been planning, and they would win next year. They could have three years, even if they weren’t consecutive years..._ _ _ _

____The thought made her lips purse together, as the image of the two half balls colliding down on opposite sides of the court flashed through her mind. She squeezed her eyes together and growled to herself slightly. Ayaka turned around, her eyes wide. “Buchou?” she asked, curiously._ _ _ _

____Yukimura quickly forced herself to look neutral as she stood up. “Your forms are dreadful.” she called loudly, to overcome the sound of the construction equipment that was still vaguely thundering from the other side of the school. “And your lap time will decrease because of that! Anyone whose lap times are larger than a minute per lap will have to play the games with one hand tied behind their back! Anyone whose laps take longer than two minutes will have to tie up one leg as well!”_ _ _ _

____There was a groan from all of the pre-regulars and Yukimura sat back down, with a frown on her lips. Ayaka’s eyes were sharp on Yukimura, but she didn’t say anything, as she just grinned and swung the one leg that was free. “They’re going to die.” she said, gleefully._ _ _ _

____“Indeed. And then they will be reborn like a phoenix.” said Yukimura, with a cool smile. “No one knows their potential until they are pushed. Remember above all to push them where they can be pushed.”_ _ _ _

____Ayaka nodded and they turned their attention back to the runners._ _ _ _

____~~~~~XXXX~~~~~~_ _ _ _

____As they all made their way back to the changing rooms, sweaty and tired, spraying deodorant everywhere and complaining about their wet hair, Yukimura just grinned, tiredly. She’d managed to play all of her game rounds, and though she had eventually lost to Chihiro’s stamina, that was no great loss, considering she hadn’t faltered once and her limbs hadn’t protested once._ _ _ _

____Chihiro still looked worried, but Yukimura just rapped Chihiro’s shoulder with her racquet as they pushed through the gaggle of girls trying to stream into their several cubbies. “Go take your shower, I’m fine. Honest.” she said, with a grin._ _ _ _

____“You’ll come around to my house?” asked Chihiro, as she undid her locker combination and pulled out her towel and shower gel. “I still need to copy my notes for you, so we might as well do it in my garden.”_ _ _ _

____“Yeah, ask Renge if she’s free and all three of us can work or something.” said Yukimura, lazily, trying to ignore the blip in her heart when thinking about the state of her handwriting and her art._ _ _ _

____Chihiro still looked worried, but she walked away towards the showers, and Yukimura stepped forward to her locker, as the adrenaline in her veins slowly started to fade and the pain of her limbs protesting returned. She leant heavily against the side of one of the lockers, grateful that the volleyball girls who were usually here had already gone home and couldn’t see her like this._ _ _ _

____“I survived a day.” she murmured, softly. “I survived a day. It’s okay, I survived, I played games and I didn’t die again.” she murmured, as she fumbled with her lock and dialing the combination. “I’m alive.”_ _ _ _

____It made the rainbow coloured pills easier to swallow and it made it easier to stand up straight again, catching her breath and calming down her heart. She’d survived. And she would keep surviving. Just one more day after one more day, as she kept recovering. She could do this. She would do this. She wasn’t going to let the remnants of her illness defeat her._ _ _ _

____By the time, she’d managed to calm down and grab her towel, Renge arrived, casually chatting with a limping Ayaka’s whose eyes were bright as she waved goodbye to Yukimura and Renge. “You going for a shower, Seiko?” asked Renge, as she undid her locker deftly, and picked up her neatly-folded-everything._ _ _ _

____“Yeah, but I think it’s full, I’ll wait for everyone else to finish.” said Yukimura, catching herself before she said yes. The scars were still prominent and while she was okay showing them to Chihiro and Renge, she just couldn’t show them to the rest of the team or even the other sports teams who were finishing up. Weakness was not tolerated in her team and therefore, she could not tolerate it within herself._ _ _ _

____Renege didn’t comment, just smiled breezily, picked up her towel and walked away to the showers, Yukimura took a seat on the bench and ran her fingers through her sweaty hair, pulling out the headband and some of the hairpins to keep the flyaway strands from irritating her. She neatly tucked them inside her bag, and when Chihiro and Renge came back together, with Chihiro's hair neatly towelled up and Renge’s softly sympathetic smile. Yukimura forced a smile onto her face and went to take her shower._ _ _ _

____It was empty, thankfully, as Yukimura quickly turned on the scalding water and let it run down her sore, aching limbs, as she stripped off her tennis uniform and undergarments. It was not as much comfort to her tired limbs, as she remembered it being, but then again, Yukimura herself was more stressed than she had been in previous years. She didn’t bother using her shampoo or her shower gel, just letting the water clean away her sweat and prick against her skin, with the sensation that reminded her of feeling and sensation._ _ _ _

____The pain in her limbs and the heat of the water meant she was alive and would continue to live._ _ _ _

____With a faint smile, Yukimura turned off the water, quickly towelled herself down, careful to avoid rubbing over the surgery scar and wrapped the towel around her breasts. She squelched her way back to the changing room, where Chihiro and Renge were in low conversation, as Chihiro finished tying up her laces and Renge was buttoning up her shirt, with hints of black lace peeking through the too-thin shirt material._ _ _ _

____“Is that a new bra, Renge?” asked Yukimura, brightly, as she placed her uniform down on the bench and rummaged around in her locker for the tennis bag to shove her tennis uniform into, so she could wash it for tomorrow._ _ _ _

____Renge’s eyes glanced down to her bra. “I think it’s my sister’s.” she said, casually. “We’re the same size, so we just borrow each others.”_ _ _ _

____“Lucky, lucky. My sister doesn’t need them yet, though she still tries to steal them, cheeky brat.” said Yukimura, with an amused look as she stalked forward to have a closer look. “Are they lace? I can never find ones that look nice without looking slutty.” she said, as she looked them over._ _ _ _

____“Mmm, I think my sister got them from that place in Ikebukuro.” said Renge, not looking too phased as she undid the buttons on her shirt again. “Check the label on the side, I’m pretty sure it says from where.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura pulled the shirt back and tilted the strap of the bra to get a name, before pausing at the choked noise from behind her. She tilted her head back to see Chihiro look so red that Yukimura was sure that she could have fried an egg on her facial features. Chihiro looked so shocked that she couldn’t even look away and Yukimura felt pure mischief creep up into her smile._ _ _ _

____Yukimura hooked her fingers underneath Renge’s bra and winked at the other girl upon getting a slightly raised eyebrow for her trouble. “Hey, I lied, I don’t care about the bra. You’d look more stunning without it, honestly.” Her voice turned more seductive and husky, as she hooked one of her legs around Renge’s as she pressed herself closer to the taller girl._ _ _ _

____“Mmm, maybe you should take it off for me then, so we can evaluate the difference between two looks.” said Renge, catching on quickly as she leant down to whisper against Yukimura’s earlobe, her hot breath sending an instant heat down to Yukimura’s lower half. If Chihiro didn’t react well enough within a hasty time, Yukimura would probably actually end up making out with Renge across the lockers._ _ _ _

____There was no outward noise and Renge wasn’t cracking up at Chihiro’s expression yet, so Yukimura reached upwards to pull Renge into a soft kiss, that wasn’t entirely chaste and sweet. Renge’s hands were soft against her skin and the greatest part was how she could feel every point of contact between Yukimura’s barely dry body and Renge’s cool skin. But it wasn’t just a kiss, as meaningless as a little flirting. There was something deeply trusting in Renge’s kiss and it made Yukimura warm inside, and made Yukimura never want to let go._ _ _ _

____“Seiko! Renge!” hissed Chihiro, looking mortified, as she looked around, her ears going redder. “What if somebody comes in?”_ _ _ _

____That was...admittedly not the reaction that Yukimura had been expecting. She pulled away a little from Renge’s grip and laughed. “Relax, Chihiro, everyone’s gone home. We ran practise a little too late.” She licked her lips slightly. “You’re not really worried about that, are you?”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro made a strangled, indistinguishable sound and looked down at her lap with something unreadable on her face. Yukimura gave Renge a slightly confused look, which Renge just raised her eyebrows at. Chihiro was supposed to explode with something about it not being proper between two girls, not go quiet. They reluctantly pulled apart to grip Chihiro’s shoulders._ _ _ _

____“Chihiro, it was just a joke. I’m sorry if it wasn’t in taste.” said Yukimura, gently and apologetically._ _ _ _

____“You couldn’t even tell me that you two were dating in advance?” snapped Chihiro, looking up, her face still red and furious._ _ _ _

____“We’re not.” said Renge, with a slight squeeze of Chihiro’s shoulder._ _ _ _

____“Right. Renge’s hot, but I’m not dating her. I just wanted to see her bra label, and then you were making such scandalized faces...it was hard not to resist.” said Yukimura, as she tilted up Chihiro’s face, grateful that she’d just taken the pills, so she could feel the sensation of Chihrio’s face and had felt Renge’s skin. “You really think I wouldn’t tell you first if I started dating anyone? Honestly?”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro jerked away with a furiously embarrassed expression on her face and Renge’s face inched into something of a smirk. Yukimura narrowed her eyes at her and Renge shook her head softly, discouraging Yukimura from acting before Renge did. To Yukimura’s surprise, Renge’s next action was to lean forward, tilt up Chihiro’s lips and press a kiss to them._ _ _ _

____Was it the day where her best friends decided to surprise her? Still, judging by the fact that Chihiro wasn’t instantly pulling away from it, she was hardly against it. Not to mention this was instantly something that was definitely making her aroused, especially considering how they pulled away from each other, with slightly peaceful, relaxed expressions._ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s smile turned wicked. “Oh, so that’s it. You were annoyed we weren’t giving you any attention. I didn’t know you were that insecure, Chihiro.” She too leant forward to capture Chihiro’s lips, pulling her towel up a little, and noted that Chihiro tasted like the energy drinks sold in the vending machines close to the tennis courts, where Renge had tasted like milk tea. There was also a roughness to her lips, where they were slightly chapped and when Yukimura pulled away, it felt quite bizarre. Hardly unpleasant, but bizarre._ _ _ _

____Chihiro’s eyes shut and upon opening them, she looked horrified and darted up. “No, we’re all girls! My grandfather would be horrified. And there...well there are three of us!” she said, with a frown._ _ _ _

____Yukimura snorted. “Well that hardly seemed to matter a couple of seconds ago, did it?” she pointed out, feeling a little irritated. That was the reaction she’d been expecting. Still, it wasn’t so easy to experience as Yukimura had thought. It hurt, slightly._ _ _ _

____“We are the three demons for a reason, Chihiro. We do things together or not at all. And know you want this.” said Renge, softly and Yukimura wasn’t quite sure how wanting know where Renge’s bra had come from had turned into part of her secret yearnings coming true, but she wasn’t protesting any of the sequence of events._ _ _ _

____Chihiro looked torn. “Renge...Seiko...” she trailed off, her voice conflicted and torn._ _ _ _

____“What does your heart say, Chihiro?” asked Renge, stepping a little closer. “Didn’t your grandfather tell you to follow your heart, because he thought you were taking too much on your shoulders because of your head?”_ _ _ _

____“He didn’t mean it like this.” said Chihiro, denying it, her eyes fixed on Renge, with a slight plea to understand why. “You know my future already, Renge.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s eyes flickered between Renge and Chihiro, with Renge’s pacifying hands and the way that Chihiro had completely forgotten to look at Yukimura as she tried to keep Renge and temptation from her. Chihiro would keep backing away at this rate, unless Yukimura did something._ _ _ _

____“What, a prestigious college degree in japanese feudal history and then an omiai which leads to 2.5 children and a housewife status? Maybe you’ll get to work as a teacher too, if you’re lucky about your match, but you’ll never love him and you’ll never be able to achieve your full potential.” Renge said and Yukimura slowly walked around Chihiro, tightening her towel around her boobs and pressing her hands around Chihiro’s waist as Chihiro looked set to open her mouth and protest._ _ _ _

____“You don’t belong with a man who’ll never appreciate every part of you like we do.” said Yukimura, with a slightly persuasive smile as Chihiro startled and turned around. “The part that flushes, the part that’s serious and wonderful, the part that knows when to relax and laugh, the part that so earnest and loyal to everything, and the part so determined and passionate. How will he know that as well as we do?”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro stepped away from both of them, looking severely confused. “Just-- just give me a moment. To think. Please.” she pleaded and Yukimura could only step back. The water droplets on her arms were starting to dry and she shivered slightly in just her towel. She grabbed her panties from her bag and pulled them on as Chihiro took a seat on the bench, taking deep and slow breaths, eyes shut._ _ _ _

____Renge leant back against the locker, shirt wide open and with little shame about her exposed body, as she watched Chihiro passively. Yukimura clipped on her bra and pulled on her school skirt, rolling it up at the top like she always did and slipped on her shirt like Renge’s like it was a coat. She didn’t button it up however, merely drew it around her like it was a cardigan, in a slightly vulnerable gesture. By the time she’d finished that, Chihiro looked calmer and less like she was about to burn up._ _ _ _

____“I-I...they can’t find out. And I can’t stop a miai from happening.” said Chihiro, finally, as she brushed back the strands of her short hair that escaped from where she’d pushed it back with the hair-band. “But...you’re right, Renge, I want this.”_ _ _ _

____Yukimura’s face split into a relieved smile and Renge’s head tipped back against the locker, her long hair brushing against her waist. “Now that’s sorted, give Renge and I a proper kiss.” said Yukimura, with a stern look. “That was tame and tarundoru.”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro’s expression looked just a little hesitant, before she growled and strode forward, her strong thigh rippling under the slightly too short skirt. “I’ll show you tarundoru.” she grumbled, as both of her calloused hands gripped Yukimura’s face and she pulled Yukimura up for a fierce kiss. Yukimura’s breath was truly taken away and she kissed back with just as much force, reaching out her hands behind her to grip Renge’s softer palms._ _ _ _

____Her legs felt like they were going to give out on her, but this time, it wasn’t because of her stupid illness. This was the sort of helpless that she was supposed to feel, because Renge’s hands were around her waist and it was the three of them and this was perfect. “Yes.” murmured Yukimura, as she pulled away and watched Chihiro and Renge kiss, hungrily. She supposed that their advantage of both being tall was that neither of them had to bend down to kiss each other, which meant they could pull each other closer, until Yukimura could barely tell the difference between Chihiro’s shirt and Renge’s shirt._ _ _ _

____She was pretty sure that she had passed out somewhere on the tennis courts while playing the game, because things had been going too well since that point. She pinched herself and she could feel, which told her that she was alive and that she definitely wasn’t dreaming. “I can feel, so I’m alive.” she murmured, happily._ _ _ _

____Chihiro and Renge pulled apart slowly, and Yukimura noted amusedly, that Renge’s cheeks were tinged a pink shade that Yukimura had only ever seen before once on her friend. “Chihiro, shall we go back to Renge’s house to finish homework? I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off you two today.” she said, with a laugh. “And Renge’s mum and sister are never home until super late.”_ _ _ _

____Chihiro flushed but nodded. "Button up your shirt." she said, as she flushed and smiled, slightly wondrously at Yukimura and Renge. Yukimura smiled back and for the first time since she'd gone through surgery, she actually felt alive, instead of having to tell herself that she was alive._ _ _ _


End file.
